You might wounder why the 7uck is this guy posted a chapter full of english, whats wrong with this person?
I type this is just for excpress my feelings, no other stuffs since now most of the time I`m mostly using English as commicuation. (being lazy to type in 拼音 becasue I suck at it.)
So many events has happen while I was foucsing on others stuffs. And many unplesent and suffering events also knocked my door. The most suffereing was not you kept cycling the old events. It was the first time you counter a suffering and sad event and you cannot react.
So I have been through this, since 2020. I choose to not to say and try to forgot it as many as possible. As it become my default my option, I spoke less, I care less, and now I even remember less and starting lossing memories.
Which is good. Becasue what I though, the more I orgot, the less weigh Im carrying. But actually not. From what I felt was. I do be lighter now. But what is actually the same amount added to the unknow sector. The pressure I still carrying wasn`t changed. Its still hte same.
I`m suffering. Its cold, hopeless, tough and heavy. I know. But I dont know how to ask for help. I`m afraid that if I ask for help, either I dont get a proper way to slove it as soon as possible. Or I got mocked. Because I have similar history.
As times goes on until like 2022 half way through. I collapsed again and its the most serious once. I collasped many time. but just a light problem. Just need some time for me to rest and some friends to accompany me and the rest will be fine. Eventhough I wanted to commit suicide. I have Friends that pulled me back form the void. I also pulled myself out of the void.
My life was horrible. I`ve been forcing myselfs to follow many stupid and retarted rules. To so as to become a human being. The sad events forced myself to now to do it again. The stupid moments made me felt society sentenced to death. There are many things I hvae forgot. But they are still there. It was not forgotten, it was I trying to aviod. Trying to escape. becasue I cannot look at myself. My lift was a failure if you say Long Story Short. I should be dead in 2010. Its my first and unfortabel nightmare in childhood. Glad that I like to gaming so I made throughit.
If I recall my past events. My sanity will drops, becasue I cannot face it. Its so horrible to me. Just a simly sentence but whats behind the story was cold and dark.
I`m not asking or begging you for something, Im just type it here for express my pressure and sadness. No one knows what I`ve been and I do not want anyone to know. Since its now 2023, not 2010.
Currently the sad event in 2022 was the most recent one and the 1 strikes my so hard. But overall? I got swarmed with toxic chicken soup. To know how the 7uck and retarted society is. This is stupid. Retarted. What kind of IQ and EQ am I`m deceided such path. I felt glass cracking sounds, becuase of it just a game. okay, I guess. My fault again? Perfect, even I decide my choice are wrong. All decision what I made was wrong. The world was having fun while Im the only perosn who taking it seriously. Becasue this was suppose to be a fun time, okay GG. My fault again? Perfection. Well done!
Toxic 7ucks now I became the one I most hated since 2022. I`ve beceome that person. The person pushed my into the void since Im over thinking everything.
There is no correct or wrong in this world. All are made by human being. And all are made by profits. My mental was so nealy collapse because a few days ago. I cried so hard while I`m sleeping the word [traumatizing in my mind] was keep cycling in my dream until I awake. Its the SOS single that my mental sent to me.
I need to seek help now. ITs now on the limit. Fighting depression for like... so long I have forgot on myself. I though I can on the battle. But reality? I lost, its a devastating lost. Imaging everytime after the fun time with my friends when I lay on my bed, I was like. When I will die? I really hope when I open my eyes, either I lost all my memories or I never open my eyes again. I checked all the ways to end myself and are all painful. Which I dont like to attempt. Dying is Gay and weak. ITs a tough road I`ve been going through. Thanks to all my friends that have supproted me along side the way. Even though some friendship has broken or withered. They have helped my to stand for it. Thankyou and I will bless them Eventhough some of them I dont want to talk to them anymore.
No, Im not typing a fel well litter. I`m just expressing my sadness.
Death is for the weak and Im not that weak.
Well now... After all, this god damn pressure had to stop. I will drop at here. This is past me. Yesterday me is already dead. it is what it is. Stop bringing old history to future. Its done nothing but Sh17. This has to be stoped
